The Room (2003) - The Best Worst Film Ever Made
Let me begin by conveying to you that this is the worst film ever made, giving exception to possibly “Birdemic.” It is so horrible, in fact, that I thoroughly enjoyed viewing the film, critiquing its inconceivably miserable acting, its futile title, and its appalling cinematography. The entire movie felt like a 5th grade English project made by a foreign exchange student. Horrible acting is just the inception of the repugnant aspects of this film, as its screenwriting, directing, and effects were equally vile. The language was only some misconstrued derivation of English, as much of the lines felt like fallacious stereotypes of American vernacular. At first, it was unclear whether or not this film was a serious project or simply a satire of soap opera, yet it soon became clear that it simply did not matter. The film is so bad, in fact, that it could not even pass as a joke.
Going deeper, the plot of “The Room” has no linearity, and, unlike films such as “Inception” or “Memento,” it is not ridden with flashbacks or multiple storylines. The only true linearity in the film is the copy and pasted sex scene used at completely fortuitous intervals throughout the film. This sex scene mistakes lucid nudity for intimacy and, like many films today, fails to connect with its audience.
Furthermore, the language and dialogue in this film is nothing better than despicable. Tommy Wiseau, the star, director, and producer of this hysterically abominable cult classic, was also the lead screenwriter. Considering the fact that he lead the charge on nearly everything else in the film, it is safe to assume that he also did his own editing, another aspect of the film that was poorly executed. Throughout, there were blotches in film, unfilled loopholes, and awkwardly paced and performed lines. The most infamous of these oversights is the classic flower shop scene, in which nearly ten lines are spoken in a matter of 15 seconds. The entire movie is replicant of a first semester high school acting class, in which none of its students know each other but are forced to pretend to because the scene requires it. Interestingly, a throng of unintroduced (and frankly unwanted) characters are littered throughout the film that our main characters, Johnny, Mark, and Lisa, all know very well, yet the character development is incredibly weak, and virtually nonexistent. It struck me as some kind of reverse dramatic irony: the characters know things that the audience does not.
Not only is the plot porous and weak at its core, but it could not even maintain its sensibility. Throughout the film, Lisa loves Johnny. Then she hates him. Then she is going to marry him. Then she cheats on him. So on and so forth until the film ultimately ends with the inevitable and melodramatic conclusion of Johnny offing himself in the least poignant way possible. It is very difficult to connect with the characters and thus become morose at their deaths or misfortunes when they are ALL underdeveloped, including the main characters themselves.
Downs (of which there are many)
The farcically inconceivable shortcomings in this film, of course, need to be mentioned, so let’s count them down:
Random couple hooking up in Johnny’s unlocked apartment
“Oh, hai Mark!”
“I did not hit her, I did NAHHHHHHT!”
Lisa says “I love Johnny” 10+ times
Lisa proceeds to say “I’m not in love with Johnny” 10+ times
Characters offering life advice whom we have never met before
The entire flower shop scene
The roof of the building being the primary hang out spot
The roof having no plausible entrance or exit
Denny being attacked by a drug dealer (on the roof of the building, of course)
Johnny and Mark jailing the dealer in a matter of two minutes, without the police
Lisa’s mom having breast cancer
The film refusing to mention her breast cancer outside of one scene
Tommy Wiseau sex!
“Anyway, how’s your sex life?”
“Chip chip chip cheep cheep cheeeeeeep!”
“Don’t touch me ************”
Denny loves Lisa
Anything involving the tape recorder
Denny likes to watch Johnny and Lisa have sex
Peter: “I am a psychologist.”
Johnny: “What are you, some kind of PSYCHOLOGIST?!
I’m sure those of you who have seen the movie are waiting for the mention of one, particularly memorable line. Let’s list the genius in this film:
“YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LISA!”
Cinematic artistry, that is. For those of you who haven’t seen the film, This list likely made no sense to you, but hopefully it inspired you to watch. Although this is doubtlessly the worst film ever made, it is wildly entertaining and I highly recommend your viewership. Final decision: 0/10 on quality, over 9,000 on entertainment.