General Aladeen responds to being banned from the Oscars and the red carpet event.
Good morning, great Satan of America. How are you? I am fine, thank you. On behalf of the nation of Wadiya, I am outraged at being banned from the Oscars, by the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Zionists. While I applaud the academy for taking away my right to free speech, I warn you, that if you do not lift your sanctions, and give me my tickets back by 12pm on Sunday, you will face unimaginable consequences. Furthermore, it's an act of aggression, that no Wadiyan films have been recognized by the academy. Where are the nominations for such classic films as 'When Harry kidnapped Sally', 'You've got mailbomb' or 'Planet of the Rapes'. On top of all of this, I payed Hillary Swank $2 million to be my date and she will not refund a penny.
My Sunday calendar is now as empty as a North-Korean grocery store. But whatever happens, I still plan to attend director Bret Rattner's after party, since it's impossible to catch herpes twice.
Death to the West. Death to America. And good luck Billy Crystals, you're fantastic.
How was that? Did I sound crazy enough?
Sacha Baron Cohen is The Dictator.